On Creativity and Self-acceptance

This article was first published in 2001 or 2002 in the UK in a magazine that I can't even remember the name of now. It was a New Age/Metaphysical magazine with a focus on women in business and life. I found it today while searching on several discs for an old sexual compatibility reading I did for a client back then. Never found the reading but found this! It is a very personal article that talks about how I 'fell' into my profession and discovered myself. I hope it may be useful or inspire others. I experienced my Saturn return at 29 1/2 and it was pretty much exact when I met the man mentioned in the article, for me and him both. We also share exact conjunct Ascendants. I do not discuss the Saturn return in the article because the audience would not have understood it - it wasn't written for astrologers or astrology students :)

On Creativity and Self-acceptance
By Dena L. Moore

It wasn’t until I was nearly thirty that I began to accept myself for who I am. I have always been different—creative. The years spent trying to fit in were a waste of time and energy. I am not one of those people who sigh and say, “I’ve always wanted to be a writer.” I’ve always been a writer. I cannot remember not writing, or not wanting to write. It is as natural to me as breathing. It is how I communicate, how I function. My first poem was published at the age of seven, so I was definitely writing then. I completed my first novel in the tenth grade, and then two more at the age of twenty-five. At this writing I have two published poetry books and I am working on a third. My novels, two complete and two in progress, are currently gathering dust.

Why did I finally give up on fitting in? I had a spiritual awakening. Meeting a new person propelled me into a world of self-discovery and self-acceptance, primarily through astrology. The way I met the man I'll simply call B was also very ‘unique.’ B and my boyfriend of 10 years had been friends since grade school, but I never met him until about a month after we purchased a computer. B grew up 20 miles from my hometown, but by the time I had met my partner in 1991, B was in the US Army serving overseas and then he married an Irish lady. The night before I met him, I dreamed of meeting him online, via MSM. The next morning, he came online, on MSM, and said “Hi.” From that very instant, we knew each other—not about each other, but we recognized each other on a soul level. It was an instantenous connection. That same night I had another dream. This dream was rather strange. All that was in it was a newspaper and the subject line was “New Computer Virus.” I scanned down the page and saw the heading—“B: New Virus.” When I went to read the article, it was written in astrological symbols. Rows and rows of them! I had never studied astrology before; in fact, I was rather skeptical of anything spiritual at that point in my life. But, I knew exactly what the symbols were. The next day I told B about the dream, and he sent me a World-of-Wisdom interpretation of my natal chart. I was amazed by the accuracy.

Since that day, I have immersed myself in astrology. It took the objectivity of astrology to learn about myself. I realized I was who I was meant to be. As a victim of sexual, mental, and physical abuse as a child, this was no small feat. The self-hatred and self-blame finally began to disperse. I was suddenly no longer a victim, but a survivor. Learning astrology came as naturally to me as writing. I didn’t begin by learning keywords and natal charts. I began my studies with synastry charts, which uses four charts at once rather than just one. I learned to read natal charts as a by-product of studying synastry. As I got deeper into my astro-studies, I began having spontaneous past-life regressions. At this point I began studying karmic astrology and found that this was the area where I was most able to help others. I realized I have a gift to see into the past. About a year after meeting B, I had a regression that showed me why I loved astrology so much and why B had been the person to awaken this interest inside of me. In this short regression, which lasted maybe 3-4 minutes at the most, B was some type of Chief/King in the area surrounding the Tigris/Euphrates rivers. I was his 'Worker of the Stars,' his right hand man and advisor. The title "Worker of the Stars" meant one thing to me--I was his Astrologer in ancient times. In this 'vision,' B was very stressed and repeating over and over, "work the stars, work the stars..." In our current life together, B and I met when he was going through a very difficult personal time, and I like to think that I was able to help him through the stress and pain, just as I was able to in the ancient past.

At this juncture in my life, I am quite amused—I am a dual major at the University of South Florida studying History and Creative Writing. When I first began college, back in 1988, I wanted to pursue Creative Writing but honestly believed I was not creative. I began by working on Journalism, but found it too restrictive. Then, after a five-year long break from college, I returned to study business and accounting. Although I am very capable in this field, I found it boring. Now I am pursuing what I enjoy the most, and I find myself sometimes wondering why I used to think I wasn’t creative, especially with my fierce writing throughout my life. I can only blame it on my own outlook of my own worthiness. Now life is finally making sense; the pieces of the puzzle are clicking into place. Through this rather uncommon journey I have found that as I help others, I am helping myself. As I teach others, I too am learning. When I ask for help or guidance, I receive it. Now I know it is good to be different—and creative.